~long story~

Today, friend suddenly told me is his bday..feel like i really "no heart"..it has been a long time i din really remember and cares who will be the coming bday prince n princess..it had been a long time that i din keep in touch with them..and cares abt their things..the truth is i really useless..dun hav a good time management..the fact is I DO WAT PIGS DO...everyday eat, sleep, watch drama and rushing for class..test>>last minutes, study>>last minutes..assign also last minutes..sometimes really think i am a rubbish living in this world...i duno wat happen with me..just LAZY!!! these few days i really try to face up my prob..but many things comes together and make me feel like i cant handle anything...life isn't easy..friend also not easy to make..few days ago i really feel dissapointed with XXX..really make me wanna cry..and it does..always having prob to communicate and i dun like those feelings..sometimes we are good friends but sometimes we are not..i really dun understand her...i hav been persuaded myself again n again not to think abt it..but just cant do it..i appreciate my friends..i wan to be nice with everyone but the truth is i cant make it..i am sorry to blame god that try to make this kind of things happen in my life..i wan to be strong..strong in everything..i put 0% effort in it..funny..thats why its the result..few days ago i am rushing for my assign..i saw who is really best friends..they lend me a hand..thats make me feel very touching..i really thanks them from the bottom of my heart..for XXX chew..never ask me also..i call n msg her nobody pick up phone..on the next day she still pretend nth oo...then summore dun wan choi me like that..tats make me angry + furious!!! tat day really make me no mood to listen to the lecture..keep on thinking..1week, 2 weeks continues she make me unhappy ady..everyday i try to cheer myself up..but the next day she still hurting me..maybe she dun think is a big deal..but for me it is!!! sob~sob~i dun wan to let her know all this..i am afraid that it might affect our friendship..thats why till now i never tell her i hav a blog..cos this is the only place i can vent on..i try to tell my close friends abt it but of course i cant cry in front of them..that will make them worry more...haiz.....forget it...i shouldn't care abt it anymore...never ever!! i feel very stress and so sad...omg..tomolo my eyes sure bengkak..crying non stop for 20mins ady..i wanna choose to be happy everyday..